Jerry Springer Is A Big Fat Idiot!

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With apologies to Al Franken for plagiarizing the title of his book, "Rush Limbaugh is a Big, Fat Idiot", I stand on the title of this article. Of course Jerry Springer is not fat and, as a matter of fact, neither is Rush these days. Still, if the shoe fits, wear it and all that.

Why do I make this claim, you ask? My answer is quite simple. Because it's true. Jerry Springer, in order to make a buck (lots of bucks, as it turned out), decided to pander to the crassest tastes in man and that makes him a big idiot. If his goal had only been to be crass, he would have succeeded in a grand manner. He parades the biggest bunch of losers since the L.A. Clippers before us on a daily basis. He then tries to shock us with the foul and dirty deeds they do to each other and compounds this insult further by giving a bit of his own homespun philosophy about these jerks, at the end of each show. He encourages them to take a swing or a kick at each other and to use every obscene word in the book as they flail away at one another just as the hired "Springer Guards" arrive to break up the fight. A typical line of dialogue might be, "You bleep bleep, I'll bleep your bleeping bleep and then I'll bleep you a bleeping second time, you bleep." Of course, most of the guests say this with a southern accent (even the ones who claim to be from the north) while displaying mouths with a good number of essentials missing (like their TEETH!!). Jerry, pacing smugly around the audience (a sterling group in their own right), pays homage to all this nonsense by asking questions as if this is something we care about. Are we really interested that Sally Broadbottom is sleeping with her boy friend's best friend's shop foreman's gardener's old biology teacher? Well, I know I certainly can't wait to see how that one turns out. Maybe the gardener will charge the stage with a rake and try to put a furrow in someone's head. After which, Jerry will calmly try to make sense out of why a garden tool is protruding from one of his guests. Of course, Jerry is no mental giant, himself. This is the same man who, while an elected public official, once paid for the services of a prostitute with a personal check.

Television talk shows started with Phil Donahue. He had interesting guests which he treated with dignity and respect. We were able to see actors, politicians and public figures from all areas in a natural and relaxed sitting. Phil did a great job for years until the "me too" hosts arrived on the scene. First, there was Oprah. She was fine. A little more controversial than Phil, but did a very good job and soon was offering Phil some stiff competition. Then the bottom fell out as every yaa-hoo and their brother decided to get in on the act. We had Sally, Jenny, Yolanda, Montel, Rosie, Howie, black hosts, white hosts, young hosts, old hosts, every kind of host you could imagine and all, except Rosie O'Donnell and Charles Grodin, were trying to see who could out shock who. In my opinion, Rosie still has one of the few class act talk shows on the air. Charles Grodin's show (not really a talk show, but fun) is gone and the rest are like a pack of dogs yapping at each other's heels as they parade the low life's of society in front of us on a daily basis.

The announcements at the end of their shows would be hilarious if they weren't so sad. Some day I expect to hear, "If you're an Irish, transsexual midget from St. Louis with a sleep disorder that makes you chase ice cream trucks and women named Irene, please contact our staff as we want to put your story on the air." And guess what? They'll find enough people fitting this description to fill their stage with tell-all guests.

I've asked myself why, even if what they say is true, anyone would go on Springer's show, or any of the other shows, and divulge this information to millions of people. I think it must be the 15 minutes of fame Andy Warhol spoke of. They get plane fare, fine hotel accommodations, free meals and a chance to make complete fools of themselves on national TV. While I believe some of their tales to be utter fabrications, I sorry to report that I also believe much of what they say is true.

In case your wondering why I watch Jerry Springer since I detest his show so much, the answer is I don't. I watched it several times when it first came on and I watched it a few times in preparation for this article and that's it. However, my absence from his viewing audience non-withstanding, he has a lot of viewers as do many of his competitors. Why people watch these shows is beyond me, but if I had to venture a reason, I'd say it's the same one that made people go to public hangings or side shows featuring Jo Jo The Dog Faced Boy, and still draws patrons to demolition derbies. It's the morbid curiosity of the bizarre. And if he's nothing else, Jerry Springer is bizarre

I suppose you could sum up my feelings about Jerry Springer, his show, and most of his competitors with these few simple words. I think they're all pure bleep bleep!! !!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Ken Kreps lives in the Pacific Northwest with his wife. He has written a number of published articles, essays and short stories, as well as numerous consumer and business pieces. Ken has also written scripts for Imagination Theater, an award winning audio drama series heard on over 150 commercial radio stations across the nation.

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