Snap Judgements Only Get In Our Way

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A few days ago, I went to one of the local malls with a friend. We each had to take clothes we'd recently purchased back for alterations. She'd made her purchases at one store and I at another so we decided we'd meet at a centrally located, third store after we'd each finished. I quickly finished at my clothing store and headed for our prearranged meeting spot. I arrived first, purchased my favorite drink at a nearby Starbucks coffee shop and took a seat in an eating area that served both Starbucks' customers and those of several nearby take out food places.

Drinking my coffee, I began to do what many of us do when killing time in a public place. I started doing some people watching. We've all done it at malls, airports or other places where large groups of people congregate. It can be a fascinating way to pass a few minutes. This time, however, watching the people pass by my table in the mall brought back the remembrance of a valuable lesson I'd learned in the past.

In the ten or fifteen minutes while I waited for my friend to arrive, I saw a wide range of people. There were short people, tall people, old and young people, Heavy people, thin people, beautiful people, not so beautiful people. I saw couples, singles, groups, happy people and some who looked quite sad. I saw people who walked with a purpose and some who just seemed to drift by with no purpose whatsoever. Some looked straight ahead while others would avoid all eye contact and look down at the floor. Some smiled at those they passed while some looked quite grim. Some were dressed very well, some not so well and a few were dressed in some pretty outlandish ways.

As I watched each person pass by, I found I was forming an ever so slight opinion about nearly all of them. Once I realized this, it brought back a memory from many years ago, where I formed an opinion of a person in seconds, based only on how they looked, and then proceeded to fall on my social sword and make a complete fool of myself.

I was in the U.S. Air Force stationed on the Island of Okinawa. I had my car shipped to the island only to realize, once I arrived, that owning an automobile there was a waste of money for car payments, Insurance, etc. This was due to the multitude of inexpensive cabs that were available all over the Island. They were everywhere and the cost of even a long cab ride was so low that getting around the island, without having your own car, was quite easy.

I decided to sell my car. American cars were in big demand on Okinawa and through an American broker on the Island, I arranged to sell my car to a local sugar company who planned to use it as one of their company cars. The car was only a year old, the price was fair and everyone came out a winner. The broker told me where I was to deliver the car and that the papers would be there, awaiting my signature. I was paid in advance. I guess they figured I wasn't going to run away with the money as after all, we were on an island only some eighty miles long and ten miles wide.

I arrived at the place where the delivery was to take place and as I stepped from the car, a large Japanese man with a small beard, and dressed in a male casual kimono and thong sandals stepped out the front door and started towards me. I spoke no Japanese and was sure from the man's appearance that he spoke no English. I nervously wondered how we were ever going to communicate even the simplest thoughts. By now he was quite near so in my best "me Tarzan, you Jane" manner I said, "This car you buy." I went further in my clarifications by pointing to the car as I said the word car and pointing to the man as I uttered the word you. He smiled and I was quite proud of myself for finding such a clever way to bridge the language gap. That's when my cleverness came crashing down around my head as he said, with a very clipped British dialect, "Why yes, I believe this is the automobile we've purchased." Seeing the stunned look on my face he smiled and added, "Actually, I speak English rather well."

He then invited me in for tea and, as we talked, I learned he was a graduate of Oxford where he'd studied language. He also spoke fluent French and Spanish beside his native language and English.. I spoke only one language and even there, he spoke English much better than I did. His command of English was absolutely beautiful and it came as no surprise that he taught language at a local university.

I'd earned my Bachelor's Degree before entering the service, but even so, I was greatly outclassed in both education and language. The man proved to be both extremely gracious and interesting. We talked about western and eastern cultures for almost an hour and then he volunteered to drive me back to my quarters at the base. A cab ride would have cost me very little, but I said yes because I wanted to continue our conversation.

I never saw the gentleman again, but he left a great impression on me and taught me the valuable lesson of never judging a person by their appearance.

As I sat in the mall watching the crowds go by, this lesson was brought home once again. Some who passed by looked a bit weird due to their clothes, their hair or just their general personal appearance and it's so easy to make a quick judgment based on those superficial qualities, alone. The man or woman with the purple hair and the pierced lip or nose (or both) wearing the black clothes may be an intelligent person who is worth getting to know. They may be creative, funny, generous or all of the above. To be sure, they may also be a jerk, but being a jerk is not a quality confined only to those who appear to be nonconformist to our standards of appearance. A man or woman dressed in the finest and latest can also be a jerk and we have no way of knowing just by looking at them.

Appearance is not the only way we have of making snap judgments about people as we love to give labels to just about everyone. Liberals think conservatives are uncaring and some conservatives think liberals are wild eyed Communists. Old people dismiss the young as know nothings and young people sometimes think the elderly have no further value. Rural people distrust city people and many city people dismiss rural people as being simple hayseeds.

My point is this. The only way we can really know about a person and whether or not they have more good qualities than bad (and all of us have some of each) is to put aside our snap judgments and take the time to get to know them.

Here's an experiment that could help open our eyes. Purposely get to know one or more persons who are your opposite. Seek out someone who is opposite you in age, color, political leanings, musical tastes, or in the many other categories which are different from your own. Sure, maybe some of them will turn out to be real air heads you never want to see again, but my bet is you'll find many of them to be real genuine people that you'll learn to respect and like.

As for me, I'll always be grateful to a large Japanese man in a kimono who years ago taught me the important lesson of not jumping to conclusions about those we meet. Now, how about you? Want to give it a try? You might just be surprised at the results.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Ken Kreps lives in the Pacific Northwest with his wife. He has written a number of published articles, essays and short stories, as well as numerous consumer and business pieces. Ken has also written scripts for Imagination Theater, an award winning audio drama series heard on over 150 commercial radio stations across the nation.

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