To read more articles and other works by author Ken Kreps, visit http://www.kenkreps.com.
To send an e-mail to the author, click here.

---

With tongue in cheek, I present.....

President Bush Finds More WMDs

By Special Correspondent Jay David Conan

Washington, (AP) - The Bush administration leveled a finger of accusation at still another area of the world, today in its quest to rid the world of weapons of mass destruction. "I have solid information saying they have nuclear capabilities and chemical and biological weapons," the president said. "You all know who I mean. I'm talking about Nebraska."

In a sharply worded public statement aimed directly at the governor of Nebraska, Bush warned that the United States had the entire nation of Nebraska surrounded with Coalition troops. When told of this, the governor replied, grimly, "Tell him we've got our own air force and ground troops in this state and we won't go down without a fight." When a presidential aide tried to tell Mr. Bush that Nebraska wasn't a nation, but was part of the United States and that Nebraska troops and planes were actually part of the United States armed forces, the president snapped back, "Oh yeah, aide-boy…and I supposed next you're going to tell me Chicago is not really in Ohio, either."

Reporters, stunned at the Nebraska announcement, tried to get a statement out of Vice-President Dick "Shotgun" Cheney. In reply, he pointed at Secretary of State, Rice, and snarled, "Don't ask me, ask the black woman. It's her idea. Besides, it's dumb. There's no oil in Nebraska." Cheney then gunned down the reporter who had asked him for a statement. Next, he said he couldn't be charged with murder, as he wasn't part of the administration, the Republican Party, or the human race. Muttering, "One out of three ain't bad," the judge dismissed all charges.

Bush warned the states of Wyoming and Kansas that allowing any Nebraska leaders to cross into their states would be considered an act of war. Troops on the boarder arrested several carloads of suspected terrorists trying to enter Kansas. They were later identified as Arlo Bodine, his wife, and their 21 children (all boys) from Pawnee City, Nebraska, who were on their way to visit Arlos's sister in Topeka.

"Hell we ain't no goll darned terrorists," Arlo said. "Why I done fought them commies back in the 50's in Ko-ree-a. I voted for that Bush fella, but he sure enough seems to have some kinda burr up his ass, all of a sudden." Later, Bush's press secretary denied this accusation and said an inspection of the president's ass showed that, other than his head, nothing at all was there.

The Bodine family was finally released, all except their oldest son, Galute. Know as the 21 son Galute, the Bodine boy, with a black hood over his head, was spirited away in the dead of night by CIA agents and delivered to The Home For The Incurably Tall located in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Although he stands only 5 foot 5 inches, a homeland security official said, "Galute is suspected of being tall."

These events were only the last in a day full of breaking news. Earlier, Islamic religious leaders told President Bush in no uncertain terms that they would be dividing Iraq among themselves and they would be controlling its government. Upon hearing this, the president fell to the floor in the oval office, kicking and screaming as he sobbed, "No, no, it's mine…it's mine I tell you. It's mine. It's not fair. My daddy promised me."

The Nebraska announcement was made later in the day after the president had flown to his ranch in Crawford, Texas to dedicate a new book in his private library. The eagerly anticipated book, "How To Register The Dead To Vote Republican" by presidential advisor, Karl Rove served to double the size of the Bush private library. The other book is entitled, "Running The Country For Dummies".

©2007 by Ken Kreps. This article may not be re-published in electronic or print media without the express written permission of the author. All rights reserved.