by Ken Kreps
©2000, all rights reserved
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It wasn't always that way. When I was a boy my parents knew every family in our block by name and knew many of them well. It was a community where people genuinely cared about one another. My farther was putting up a basketball backboard for me when I was in my early teens when his ladder slipped and he and the backboard (wood, not fiberglass) came crashing to the ground. In a matter of seconds, our neighbor, Mr. Peterson, who had been drinking coffee in his kitchen, came flying out his back door, hurdled the fence and helped me get my father inside our house. Actually, looking back on it, maybe I helped Mr. Peterson more than he helped me as he was a large, strong man. The Peterson's and my parents had been friends for years and with genuine concern he stayed in our house to make sure he had done everything he could and, as he left, told us to call on him if we needed anything. I was too young to drive and my mother didn't drive so Mr. Peterson later drove us to the market several times until my father made a full recovery. After my father recovered, we had them over for dinner and we all laughed about Mr. Peterson's form as he jumped the fence. This, by the way, happened in a large, major city, not a small town.
But that was then and this is now and what a difference we see. If you see someone fall on the street, you're afraid to help them as they might later sue you. They, in turn, are afraid to let you help them as you might be a mugger or worse. Instead, they struggle to their feet on their own and from a safe distance we ask (sometimes) if they're all right. Then, we each go our separate ways. If someone comes to our front door, we often act like we're not home. We do this because of a mixture of disinterest and fear. We don't want people at our front door and God forbid that they should actually enter our homes.
How, in forty years, did we get from Mr. Peterson hurdling the fence to assist my father in a time of need, to today's atmosphere of locked doors, electronic alarm systems and peep-holes? Well, there are several culprits. One is television. Now, before you label me as just another television basher, you should know that I'm not. Television, can be a mind numbing experience for some and a great learning tool for others, but either way, many of us spend far too much time in front of the tube. If you're one of the minority that doesn't, my hat (if I wore one) would be off to you.
I don't feel, however, that television is the number one cause of our self imposed isolation. The worst offender is the very machine that's sitting in front of me now as I bang away on my keyboard. You guessed it.....the computer!! In many households, television viewing has actually gone down because of increased computer usage. Husbands don't talk to wives, children won't talk to parents and even in offices, employees talk to each other by e-mail instead of walking thirty feet down the hall to talk in person. The Internet has taken over the lives of many of us and like television, some Internet content is absolutely wonderful and some of it is garbage. I'm certainly not anti computer as, until a few years ago, I made my living, first in computer programming and later, in commercial software sales. As a writer, my computer is the most important tool I own. Still I don't know the names of my neighbors any more than most of you know the names of yours.
The third reason for our isolation is the fear of crime. Even though crime in many categories has gone down over the last few years, the perception of many average citizens is that it's still on the increase. We have hand guns in our homes, we avoid eye contact when we're in public and generally, we keep our distance, maintain our space, whatever you choose to call it.
Unless you're a totally self centered person (and yes, there does seem to be more of them around than before), maybe the answer is in reaching out to create more person to person contact, be it at the office or in your neighborhood. Walk down the hall once in awhile at the office, instead of sending an e-mail. Yes, I know, modern office efficiency gurus will tell us, "No, no, that's not at all efficient....back to your cubicle." It may not be efficient but it certainly does make us more human. Talking face to face has worked quite well for hundreds of years so why is it suddenly in such disfavor?
At home, when you see your neighbor in their back yard, instead of just saying a polite hello across the fence, engage them in conversation; maybe even invite them into your yard. Wow!! What a concept.....today the yard, tomorrow the house.
Finally, try this. For the next 30 days, make an extra effort to reach out to people like the elderly lady across the street; the shy person at the back desk in the office; the clerk waiting on you who's been on their feet for the past three hours. Some may look at you strangely and some may simply think you're weird. But others just might respond in kind and if they do, both of you will be just a tiny bit better for the experience. Hey, what do you have to lose? 30 days is a very small part of your life, but it could start to tear down some walls and make a difference.
There's a story about an actor who had an attack and died on stage during a performance. When this was announced to the audience, a kindly Jewish mother in the balcony hollered down, "Give him some chicken soup." The Theater Manager shouted back, "But Madam, the man is dead", to which she replied, "It couldn't hurt." Using her words of wisdom, let's give it a try. After all, it couldn't hurt.
©2000 by Ken Kreps. This article may not be re-published in electronic or print media without the express written permission of the author. All rights reserved.
Ken Kreps lives in the Pacific Northwest with his wife. He has written a number of published articles, essays and short stories, as well as numerous consumer and business pieces. Ken has also written scripts for Imagination Theater, an award winning audio drama series heard on over 150 commercial radio stations across the nation.